dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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