What a fucking waste of an outfit
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
