Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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