omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
