Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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