I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
