I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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