dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
