This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
