a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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