Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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