you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
