After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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