420 ftw
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
