hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
