why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize