Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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