i permit you to call me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
