before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
