Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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