it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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