Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
