Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
