Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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