the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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