I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
