First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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