i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
