just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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