Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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