Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
