Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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