so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
