I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
