just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
