i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
