brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
