Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
