so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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