Umm I'm too high to move.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
