Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
