I'm going to jail i love you
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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