tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
