He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
