Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We left an ass print on the piano.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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