I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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