I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
