you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
