Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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