We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
