oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
