We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
