vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
