I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
