dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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