remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
