Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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