went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just cropdusted the office
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize