this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
