She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
