Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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