So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
