my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Your cock deserves a montage
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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