Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
