So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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