and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
