im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
