Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
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