Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
