He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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