just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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