I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
