I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
