She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
